“Harry, you son-of-a-gun.  I’ve been looking all over for you. I have something you wanted. I’ve been trying to deliver it for the past three Christmases.” 

Santa pulled a block of ice from his sleigh. 

“It’ll take twelve hours to defrost,” Santa said.  “Hurry up and shove it in your shelter.  I gotta run before those lousy Martians spot my sleigh.  If they shoot it down, I’ll be stranded like you.  Have a Merry Christmas.  I don’t know if  I’ll ever be able to get back here again.” 

Santa jumped into his sleigh and was gone in a flash. 

Harry pushed the block of ice to the entrance of the doomsday shelter. 

When he arrived at his lair, he read the Christmas card tied  to the ice block.  “Her name is Lala.  She’s not from this galaxy, but she’s female.  It’s the best I could do under the circumstances.  She’s about twenty Earth years old, but has the mind of a child.  She has powerful, primitive instincts, including the one you want most.  Best of all, she’s intact.   Merry Christmas and good luck…Santa.” 

Harry couldn’t wait to defrost her. 

When she awoke, her four hands reached out.  Gently pulling her to him, he whispered the same question into each of the ten holes surrounding her head. 

She nodded.  Taking his hand, she guided his fingers to seven apertures running down the side of her outermost tentacle. 

“Mmm.  One for everyday of the week,” he said, kissing her first set of lips, then the pair just above. 

She quivered and sighed. 

“That’s lesson number one,” he said. “Before we move to lesson two, do you mind if I call you Eve?” 

He thought he heard the most charming, girlish giggle