Gil slammed the bar counter with his fist. In his palm was his pink slip from the local chemical plant, where he had toiled nine years.

“Son of a bitch, Harry,” he moaned, “nine long fucking years, the wife has filed for divorce and my kids won’t even look at me.”

“Another shot of Imperial, Gilly?” Harry asked.

“Yeah, gimme one. I gotta go drain the old lizard, if there’s anything left of it.”

Gil stood at the urinal. A hard wind began hitting him in the chin from where he was pissing.

“What the shit?”

In the center of the urinal was a swirling purple cloud. A voice whispered:

“JOIN US AND ALL YOUR DREAMS WILL COME TRUE…”

Before he knew it he was being tugged into the center of the cloud, leaving the dingy bar bathroom behind.

He opened his eyes. He was draped in a toga that exposed bulging muscles where his mantits and flabby belly once were. He was gliding across a rainbow on the back of a unicorn.

“What the fuck’s going on here?”

“WELCOME TO BENALDI, WHERE YOU ARE GOD.”

On a large hill of lush grass sat nude women, an enormous keg of beer and an easy chair the color of sparkling candy. The unicorn ejected him onto this throne.

The women began to caress him gently. He looked down and noticed that he had not one, but two large penises.

“Oh…thank you…whoever you are…” Gil moaned.

In a flash he found himself on the floor of the bar bathroom, Harry standing over him.

“Gilly, you pissed all over yourself…”

“Where’s my other penis?”

Harry sighed and left him there. The swirling clouds in the urinal slowly closed up and disappeared. Gil held out his shaking hand and began to weep.

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