Every cult comes at a price. This one cost $4.99 and my wife said, “you’re getting it for a steal!”  It only made me more suspicious. Shopping for a cult is never easy, they’re just too abundant now. Even at the mall, self-made gurus have set up shop. One trip to India and you’re the next maharaja. I scanned the form, then I noticed the address at the bottom.

“$4.99 is a bargain,” I said. “But we’d have to move to Florida.” I showed her the address on the Lily Vernon stationery.

“Forget it,” she said. “Nothing there but a bunch of cholera.”

“And geezers,” I nodded. Then I thought: easy to hop into those third world countries in Central America from Florida. But nah, it was Florida, after all.

“Let’s get toour 12 step meeting,” I said. “We’re already late.”