Life is rich.  Let me tell you why.

I gots some shag carpeting that feels great on my bare feet and even better on my bare ass.  I gots a girlfriend named Wanda Rollins who drives a black 1979 LTD.

Now, I realize I’m in my sixties and my body ain’t what it used to be. But I’m retired from workin’ at the butchery and collecting disability from that time the meathook dug into my ear and drug me through the air like thirty feet.  Seems like only yesterday, though I reckon it was around 1993. My ear ain’t never been the same but Wanda, that frisky bitch, she still loves me like a hot greasy bucket of chicken from Clucks.

Just yesterday she rolls over in bed after kissing me with that breath that smells like mouthwash and Budweiser and I realize something new about her, something pretty damn cool.  She has two asses.  And two fine ones at that.  One’s her normal ass, the nice big double watermelon one I grab onto just for kicks, but this other one, it’s unique, it makes itself known only when she’s layin’ there naked on her side.  And you know what it is?  It’s the two rolls of fat on either side of her back, pressed together by gravity, creatin’ this long enormous hot dog bun ass!  Who cares if it ain’t a proper ass?  It’s the most beautiful thing in the whole goddamn world.

“Damn, baby, if you don’t let me make love to that frank fence I just might go crazy!” I moaned.

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