i saw a dog with tulips growing out of his eyes—it wasn’t actually a dalmatian it was a dachshund & they weren’t really tulips they were sunflowers & they really weren’t growing out of his eyes they were growing out of his butt but they weren’t really growing they were sort of just stuck there.  i know because i stuck them there.  & i didn’t actually see this dog i just heard about it from my wife whose dog it is—except i’m not married & never have been so i made that part up & all the rest too except the part about the dog having sunflowers stuck in his butt but actually it was a female dog & the sunflowers which were really daisies were stuck in her vagina—all the way in—& i had to remove them during a dissection experiment the purpose of which is unclear to me since i’ve never been involved in a dissection experiment & the only time i ever cut through bone & flesh was during my tenure in the coroner’s office when we cut through flesh & bone from 9 to 5 & combined the codes of dalmated species in intoxicated after hours

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