“Hey Pops, check this out.”
“What is it this time Jesus?”
“See that fat dude down there in the mall food court. I’ma make his pants rip.”
“It just never gets old to you does it? You better hope your mother doesn’t find out. You know how upset she gets.”
Jesus smirked, made a quick gesture with his hand as the fat dude bent over to pick up a quarter from the floor. Sure enough the seam on the backside of his jeans ripped. God chuckled and snapped his fingers making an Emo tween drop her cellphone right behind the guy. She went down to grab the phone, and when her head was right by the guys ass Jesus coughed causing the guy to belt out a high pitched fart.
God shook his head. “Dirty one Jesus. What would your mother think?”
“You ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Wanna see me make purple dildos come from the clouds?”
“Sometimes you’re so childish. More and more I regret the influence those earth people had on you. Think you’re hot shit? Watch this. See the guy sitting on the park bench eating the tuna on rye?”
God gave a little nod as a seagull flew over the guy on the bench. Bird shit splattered on his arm. He jumped up, dropped his sandwich, and looked up at the sky.
“That’s nothin’ Pops. Birds shit all the time. I’m tellin’ ya, I can make purple dildos come from the clouds. Ready.”
God watched patiently as Jesus rubbed his hands together and smiled. Clouds multiplied and huddled up over Salt Lake City. There was a crackle of thunder as the clouds started spewing purple dildos, but before they made landfall there was a flash of light and they were gone. God and Jesus immediately looked behind them to find Mary standing there with her arms crossed, tapping her foot.
Jesus hung his head. “Sorry mom.”
“Sorry doesn’t cut it young man. Go to your room.”
Jesus quickly shuffled passed his mother while she focused her attention on God. “And you Mr. Know-it-all! You should know better!”